All Things At Once

Stole the title from this lovely lady's book...
who I had the fortune of meeting yesterday. She co-hosts "Morning Joe" a morning political talk show on MSNBC, which you can catch from 6-9am on Cox3 (shameless plug.) Mika Brzezinski. She is lovely.
Mika and her co-host Joe Scarborough (former US Senator) were speaking at a luncheon that I attended, and she shared about her book that just came out called "All Things At Once."
Mika decided on that title after an interview with her mom for Mother's Day on CBS. She asked her mom (wife to a former National Security Advisor, mother of three, and sculptor) which aspect of her personality was most important, thinking she would say, "Mother."
Instead,
she replied,
"I am all things at once."

It's no secret that I struggle working full-time and having a daughter. Yes, I am UNBELIEVABLY blessed with an incredible husband who stays home with our daughter most days, and family who fill in the gaps between. And an amazing job (with the best coworkers- seriously the best) who are patient with my bumbling navigation through this new world of motherhood and career.
My ambivalence about this juggling act isn't a question of it's necessity- I have to work, and I know that. And, gosh darn it, I think I'm actually pretty good at my job. I enjoy it. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and a fulfillment that I think it would be difficult (for ME) to find as a stay-at-home mom.
But, man, do I miss my baby when I'm away.
And when I'm at work, I'm thinking about being at home, and when I'm at home, sometimes I'm thinking about everything that needs to be done at work.
My brilliant solution to this mental roller coaster was to decide, with Nick's help, which was more important to me, and pursue that decision with confidence.
That self-imposed torture lead no where.
How to decide between something you love more than yourself, and something you like and are good at but would give up, given the opportunity, but you don't have the opportunity.
As I said before, I have to work, and I like working. I LOVE my A-girl, obviously MORE than I love my job, but I don't have a choice to stay home. And honestly- it's nice to be able to afford a mortgage, and a nice car, and a night out every once in a while. Not nicer than being with my baby, but still nice.
Hearing Mika speak and the answer that her mother gave was a freeing moment for me. This may seem like an obvious revelation, but I DON'T HAVE TO BE ONE OR THE OTHER. I don't
have to choose.
I am, as Mika's mom said, all things at once.
When I'm at work, producing a television show and answering sponsorship requests, I am ALSO a mom. And when I'm with the A-girl, I am still a pr specialist. The only thing that needs to change is my attitude. I need to be a good, hard worker at work, and turn it down (not off) when I go home, and vice versa.
Add to that list of "all things"; wife, friend, runner, daughter, sister, budding wedding planner... and the million other hats we all wear every day.
It's easier said than done to be comfortable with all of those roles mashed together, but it feels like a weight of guilt and doubt and fear have lifted. I knew that becoming a mom would change everything, but I didn't know that included me.
I'm going to be all things at once, and I'm going to be damn good at all of them. Or at least good enough.
Weigh in- I know that this feeling of guilt and doubt isn't secluded to working moms, or even to moms at all. How do you find balance? What does being All Things At Once mean to you?

My favorite three minutes of the day

We've started a new night time tradition in the Braunalicious house that I am LOVING.
Every time one of us open our laptops, A-girl says, "Mew-sack" (music, for those of you who may not speak her particular dialect of toddler-ease). Normally, we oblige and turn on something boppy on iTunes and she shakes her adorable little booty.
The other night, just before bedtime, A-girl came up asking for "mew-sack." We turned on iTunes and instead of the normal booty-shaking ditty, we picked "Let Them Be Little" by Lonestar (which is an AMAZING song- check it below) and she snuggled up with me, put her head on my shoulder and let me hold her for the whole song. Then I got an awesome good night kiss, and she went upstairs with her daddy for night-nights.
It was great.
Every night since then, we've repeated the process.
It's my favorite 3 minutes of the entire day.

Needed: Perspective

I had a great lunch date today with a fellow young, working mom. We shared the trials and joys of life; balancing kids and a career, child care woes, trying to find time (and not have guilt over) date nights, and the idea of having another baby while living in a two bedroom condo.
Then, the conversation turned to talk of Haiti; the poor orphans roaming the streets, how some people are incredibly generous and others incredibly apathetic, that we both wish we could adopt a thousand Haitian babies.
Suddenly the aforementioned tiny two bedroom condos don't seem so tiny.
And we laughed about how in the course of an hour, we went from one extreme to the other. Perspective.
Later in the afternoon, I sat bawling at my work computer after watching the video below. It's the incredible story of a young man who was born without eyes and can't walk, and his amazing father. The bawling was not because his story is sad or depressing (which is more than I can say for the Haitians) but uplifting and encouraging and humbling. Perspective.
Seriously- don't watch it unless you want some perspective on life.
Which I personally think we ALL need, but far be it for me to thrust perspective on the unwilling.
Thank you Patrick. You are amazing. Today, you have helped me be grateful and awestruck.

Quoted

In an OC Register story about the upcoming MV recall election.
http://www.ocregister.com/news/recall-230406-cox-morton.html
For those of you who may not know, I work for a telecommunications company in the Community Relations department, and I have recently taken on producing a 30-minute public affairs show called Cox Forum on channel 3.
I really, truthfully, and honestly can say that I enjoy my job. And I love the people I work with. And I can't ask for much more than that!

Progression

I love when pictures unfold and tell a story, especially when they're a series in sequencial order like those good, old comic flip books with the stick figures and you can look at them and feel like you were there. Does that even make sense?

Looking through the camera of late and I found a few progressions juts like that, so I thought I'd share so you could be there too!

ESPECIALLY when that story is as simple as "playing with cousins" or "getting my first Cabbage Patch doll" or "an evening on the couch at home with friends."

So here are three photo progressions of just those scenarios with my sassy A-girl. I'll provide the commentary... or what I think she was saying here...

Playing With Cousins

Grandma Braun's backyard bridge. Nothing more fun that putting sticks in the water with your cousins. And yes, my Grandma's backyard kicks ass.

Getting My First Cabbage Patch Doll

I named her Baby Anna. My mom was more excited about this baby doll than I was, but I've grown to think she's pretty cool. I like to put a clip on the top of her hat and call it a "pon-don-don" or ponytail, for those of you who don't speak baby.

An Evening at Home on the Couch with Friends

Here I am, chilling on the couch in my penguin pj's. Then this lady picked me up. Oh, wait... that lady is Hollis! I like her! I want to give her a kiss and a hug. And then I'm rewarded by being tortured in Ugg boots. This is my sassy side.

How To Feel Sexy...

Wow, I just used the word sexy in a blog title. I am such a grown up.
Came home tonight after a great weekend feeling a bit sluggish-full of yummy food (thanks Mom) but the combo of yummy food and no workout today was dragging me down mentally.
Stupidly stepped on the scale and DID NOT like the number looking back at me.
I HATE that the scale has the power to take away all feelings of goodness from me. It's a leftover from my super-big Weight Watchers Days, where if I didn't post big numbers, I felt like a failure. It's silly, and somewhere in my brain I know that, but I don't know it.
Then the decision to not allow that silliness to ruin the rest of an evening lead to me the thought...
'I need to feel sexy..and fast.'
Why sexy? And why fast? In the interest of not completely grossing out anyone, it had nothing to do with what may (or very likely, may not!) happen later on in the evening. It's just my way of turning what could have been a sour evening into an enjoyable one- thank you very much, New Year's Resolution!
So, here's MY recipe for quick sexy.
Nice HOT shower- leg shaving included.
Bath and Body Works Japanese Cherry Lotion and Body Spray
Lip Smackers Gloss in my favorite flavor of Coca Cola
Cute, but comfy PJ's
Voila! Instant sexy.
Really, clean, comfy, and smelling good are now considered sexy?
Yes- because while they each might happen every day, they RARELY happen at the same time.
And they are rarely followed by a cozy blanket and a good snuggle, which are my last two sexy ingredients.
Hope I didn't gross you out too much :)

When do you feel your most sexy?

Being a Joy is a Drag

Well, that's not entirely true. I think attempting my New Years Resolution of having a positive attitude and a joy to be around HAS been a joy... for other people.
For me...
it sucks.

Well, it doesn't suck totally.
But it's hard.
Seriously REALLY HARD- much harder than just typing it.


Take New Year's Day, for example. Day 1 of 365 jolly Joy-filled days to come. It was morning, A-girl was sick, and I DID NOT feel like driving for an hour up to LA to see the Braun side of the family with a runny-nosed, coughing, clingy toddler. So Nick went alone, and A-girl and I snuggled at home. Sounds joyful, right?

It was- except when Nick got home and I wanted 3.5 minutes of quiet without snot dripping on my shirt and A-girl WOULD NOT go to her dad. She screamed as though I was handing her over to CPS instead of her loving, doting father who single-handedly cares for her the majority of the week. Nick, as most fathers in this situation would, shrugged and walked away, thinking 'Oh well, she doesn't want to come to me.'
It was not a joyful moment.
In fact, I was just a little annoyed at them both. Silly, I know, but true.

Since this was New Year's Day, and Day One of jolly jolly Joy-filled 2010, I took a moment and closed my eyes and prayed for some sanity and clarity. And this thought came to me...

'This resolution DOESN'T mean that-
*life is instantly going to be transformed into a utopia where everything is joyful and happy.
*there will no challenges, and...
*that a positive, joyful response will be easy, just because you want it to be.'

I'm learning that, in fact, it means quite the opposite.
It means...
*Finding the joy in the small things that I may not have noticed before.
*That wanting to be joyful and positive means that I will have to take situations that are NOT joyful and positive and respond to them in a joyful and positive way.
*I will, most of the time, have a negative or selfish or un-joyful thought and have to stop, think, and move past that thought. Umm, that's no fun!

It's like praying for patience, and then instead of life getting serene and peaceful so you can be your perfect, more patient self, it becomes hard and grating and you HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO PRACTICE YOUR PATIENCE.

In conclusion, I don't know WTF I was thinking when I decided to do this. I may have doomed myself for a ridiculous year of tough, negative, difficult times where I am destined to swallow my pride, anger, and selfishness to allow the positivity and joy to enter in.
And actually, that doesn't sound that bad.
Do you have a secret to remaining positive and joyful? It's welcome here :)